(Especially dinner in a restaurant so jammed the guy at the next table is using your rib for an elbow rest.) Use the day as an excuse to do anything you will most certainly regret tomorrow (hook up with a loser ex, load up on “comfort” food that will render you puffy and misshapen, drink your head off, etc.). Take yourself (and perhaps a fun friend — no sad sacks, please) to a movie, preferably a comedy and not the story about the boy whose father died in the World Trade Center.

Whether or not you’re in a relationship right now, one thing you must not do this Valentine’s Day is… If you’re in a truly loving relationship, you don’t need hearts, flowers, teddy bears, lingerie, and a candlelit dinner for confirmation. Treat yourself as you would want the most amazing man you can imagine to treat you. If you’re one of the women tweeting post-Grammys that you’d love to be beaten by Chris Brown, you suffer from low self-esteem and must remedy the situation immediately.

Allow yourself to feel depressed about not having a special man in your life. Use this opportunity to send flowers (anonymous or otherwise) to that guy you like in Accounting. You are worth the effort (and if you don’t think so, why should anyone else?). You may be asking how the simple act of treating yourself well will change your love life. KNOW THIS: When you treat yourself well, people — especially men — pick up on it. Women with high self-esteem attract good men — and lots of them.

You love each other every day. You don’t need a Hallmark holiday to prove it. And, IF YOU’RE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP, please do not do any of the following: Decide that you are destined to be alone forever. Use the evening to be your own best boyfriend. Make yourself a beautiful meal. Set the table (no eating over the stove, please). Use your best silver and dishes. Pour yourself a glass of the best wine you can afford. It raises your value. Women with low self-esteem attract bad men.